Society needs better language and approaches when discussing infertility with those experiencing it
Source: https://www.theguardian.com/profile/nuala-mcgovern. "Infertility: at a time when we need the right words, some are unable to find them | Nuala McGovern | The Guardian." March 21, 2026. www.theguardian.com
The Gist
The author argues that society is terrible at talking to people about infertility, often saying hurtful things despite good intentions. She believes we can do better by listening more, avoiding clichés, and being more thoughtful about timing and word choice.
Conclusion
We need to improve how we communicate about infertility by using fewer platitudes, showing less certainty, listening more, and demonstrating greater empathy
Premises
- Infertility affects about one in seven couples according to the NHS, making it a common experience that many people encounter
- Current social conversations about infertility often involve inappropriate timing, invasive questions, and unhelpful platitudes that can increase feelings of loneliness and pain
- Well-intentioned but poorly chosen words can feel like 'physical blows' to people experiencing infertility, even when the speaker means to help
- People experiencing infertility have varying needs and responses, making it difficult to know what will be helpful versus harmful
- Thoughtful, empathetic communication that acknowledges the person's pain without minimizing it or offering false certainty can provide genuine comfort
Assumptions
- People generally want to be supportive when others face infertility but lack the knowledge of how to do so effectively
- The discomfort around discussing infertility stems partly from societal expectations that motherhood is the norm
- Personal experience with infertility provides valuable insight into what communication approaches are helpful versus harmful
- Better communication about infertility can reduce the isolation and pain experienced by those going through it