People should offer empathetic presence rather than advice when supporting friends with infertility
Source: Chaney Gooley. "Helpful Ways To Talk To Your Infertile Friends About Their Suffering." April 24, 2026. thefederalist.com
The Gist
When your friends are struggling to get pregnant, don't try to fix their problem with advice or suggestions. Instead, just be there for them and acknowledge their pain. This is harder for you but much more helpful for them.
Conclusion
When supporting friends struggling with infertility, people should focus on providing empathetic presence and emotional support rather than offering advice or trying to fix the problem
Premises
- Well-meaning advice often causes additional pain to those struggling with infertility, as evidenced by numerous hurtful comments the author has received
- People's desire to 'fix' infertility problems stems from their discomfort with suffering and inability to sit with unfixable situations
- True support requires the emotional maturity to accept and sit with another person's suffering rather than trying to eliminate it
- Simple expressions of empathy and presence ('That's hard. I'm here for you') are more helpful than advice or attempts to solve the problem
- Making space for each other's pain, though difficult, is essential for building intimate relationships
Assumptions
- Infertility causes significant emotional suffering that deserves compassionate response
- People generally mean well when offering advice but lack understanding of what is truly helpful
- Emotional support is more valuable than practical advice for those experiencing infertility
- Suffering can serve a meaningful purpose in deepening human connections
- There is a meaningful distinction between 'simple' and 'easy' forms of support