Men, Not Just Mothers, Must Take Responsibility for Teaching Boys About Consent
Source: https://www.theguardian.com/profile/gabyhinsliff. "After rape allegations at Cornell University, why are women again being urged to talk to their sons? Why not men? | Gaby Hinsliff | The Guardian." October 2, 2026. www.theguardian.com
The Gist
After a shocking rape case at Cornell, mothers everywhere are being told to have 'the talk' with their sons about respecting women—but the author asks: where are all the fathers, coaches, and male role models in this conversation? She argues that boys learn how to treat women by watching the men around them, so men need to step up and share this responsibility instead of leaving it all to moms.
Conclusion
Preventing sexual violence by raising boys who respect consent should be a shared responsibility of fathers, male role models, and men generally—not a burden placed primarily on mothers.
Premises
- In the wake of the Cornell rape allegations, social media advice on raising non-predatory sons has overwhelmingly targeted mothers rather than fathers or men broadly.
- Boys learn behavior and attitudes toward women by observing the men they respect—fathers, coaches, celebrities, and politicians—not just by hearing lectures from mothers.
- Teenage boys need to hear about consent and resisting peer pressure from grown men who understand firsthand what it's like to be young, confused, and under social pressure.
- Currently, mothers disproportionately initiate and sustain conversations about respect and consent with their sons, starting from early childhood, while fathers often remain silent or absent from these conversations.
- Prominent men—celebrity dads, sports coaches, male politicians—who are vocal about sexual assault in other contexts (e.g., involving immigrants) are notably silent on addressing the culture among boys and young men more broadly.
- Campus mandatory consent training is insufficient to undo 18 years of cultural conditioning, some of which occurs within boys' own homes due to absent paternal engagement on these issues.
- Positive counterexamples exist (e.g., male rugby players in the Enough campaign, well-attended cross-gender fringe events at party conferences) showing that men are willing and able to engage meaningfully when given the opportunity or platform.
Assumptions
- Modeling behavior by respected male figures has a significant causal influence on how boys treat women.
- The current gendered division of labor in moral/consent education is a cultural default rather than a natural or necessary one.
- Men who are currently silent on this issue are capable of taking on a more active role if prompted or socially encouraged.
- Rape and sexual violence prevention is primarily a matter of cultural conditioning and parenting, rather than being irreducibly rooted in other factors (e.g., psychological, systemic, or institutional failures).
- Addressing this issue through parenting and role-modeling is an effective lever for change, even though institutional failures (like Cornell's handling of the case) also played a role.