Gay Male Couples Formed via Surrogacy Prioritize Adult Sexual Appetite Over Child Needs, Undermining Same-Sex Marriage Equivalence to Mother-Father Families
Source: Katy Faust. "Gay Dad's Gross Diary Illuminates Dysfunctions Of Buying Babies." September 16, 2026. thefederalist.com
The Gist
The author uses one gay father's shockingly self-absorbed, sexually explicit diary as evidence that same-sex male couples—lacking the biological/hormonal 'reset' that mothers experience after childbirth—prioritize their own sexual desires over their children's needs. She concludes that this proves children need both a mother and father, and that treating same-sex couples as equivalent to heterosexual married parents was a mistake.
Conclusion
Same-sex male couples who acquire children through surrogacy cannot provide the child-centered environment that a biological mother and father provide, and society erred in legally/culturally equating same-sex couples with married mother-father families; marriage should be reoriented around children's rights, including the right to a mother.
Premises
- A gay father's published sex diary reveals he prioritized anonymous sexual encounters (including on his infant's play mat, sexualizing a pediatric exam, etc.) over attentiveness to his infant daughter's needs.
- Biological postpartum changes in women (physical recovery, hormonal shifts, breastfeeding) naturally redirect mothers' attention and sexual behavior toward infant care, as illustrated by a contrasting maternal diary focused entirely on the baby.
- Research shows partnered fathers experience testosterone declines around childbirth that suppress sexual appetite and increase caregiving orientation, but this transition is tied to biological partnership with the child's mother during pregnancy.
- A gay man who acquires an infant via surrogacy, without the physical/hormonal process of pregnancy or partnership with the child's biological mother, cannot be presumed to undergo this same caregiving-oriented biological transition.
- Surveys indicate low rates of sexual exclusivity among male same-sex couples, suggesting open sexual arrangements are normative rather than exceptional in this population.
- Consensual arrangements between adults (like 'don't ask don't tell' sexual openness) do not make a household child-centered; what matters is the child's actual experience of caregiver attention being diverted.
- Children generally do best with their biological mother and father in a permanent, low-conflict relationship, and outcomes decline when a parent is missing or replaced by an unrelated adult.
Assumptions
- One individual's diary is representative of gay fathers or same-sex male parenting arrangements generally, rather than an outlier.
- Biological/hormonal predispositions toward caregiving are the primary or necessary determinant of good parenting, rather than one contributing factor among many (values, character, support systems, etc.).
- Sexual openness or infidelity in a relationship necessarily correlates with or causes neglect of children's needs.
- The absence of a biological mother cannot be adequately compensated for by other caregiving arrangements or a present, attentive father.
- Surrogacy-based family formation is inherently more likely to produce child-neglecting environments than adoption or other non-biological parenting arrangements.
- Legal recognition of same-sex marriage is meaningfully connected to the alleged deficiencies of this particular case, such that policy should be reconsidered based on it.